Keeping Score

Yesterday, we talked about forgiveness being an act of obedience and how God comes alongside us when we choose to take that step. Today, we’re going to go a step further. If you notice the title of this week, “It’s forgive….without punishing.”

So what does that really mean? The dictionary definition of the word “punish” is:

“To inflict a penalty or sanction on (someone) as retribution for an offense.”

For lack of a better explanation…it’s making someone pay for their offense. Ouch! I can honestly say I’ve been super guilty of this one. I may have “forgiven” someone, but I certainly didn’t forget, and how often have I claimed to have forgiven someone and gone forward in the relationship and then brought up the past again and waved it in their face the next time they have made a mistake or I have been hurt? How often in our marriages, have we forgiven our spouse of an offense, but then the next time they slip up, we bring up every time they have wounded us in that way going back to our dating days and what their mother said to us, and all the ways we’ve felt unsupported over the however many years of marriage, and…well, you get the point.

A desire for justice…for wrongs to be made right…it’s part of our human nature…it’s built into us. We want those who hurt others to pay some sort of penance…to have some sort of retribution for the things they have done. We often want them to feel and understand the hurt that we have experienced at their hands…we want to be heard and have our feelings validated…not just a blanket “I understand” and apology…we really want them to know what we have experienced in order for them to fully understand what they are apologizing for and the weight their actions or choices carried out in our lives. Right?

That begs the question…if we’re holding onto those offenses, aren’t we in a sense keeping score? And if we are, and we can quickly bring them up again at a moment’s notice, have we really forgiven them or have we just somewhat made amends until the next time we are wounded and then come at them with ammunition and a checklist of their indiscretions in tow?

So…here’s the thing. What if God did that with us? What if every time we made a mistake or grieved God’s heart with our choices or lack of obedience, He came to us with a clipboard and went down the list of all the ways we have disappointed Him and how yet again, we had screwed up and He had to add yet another thing to the list?

Fortunately, our God is not a God of condemnation (Romans 8:1). He is the perfect model of forgiveness and grace. He doesn’t keep score of our failures…He doesn’t keep a running tally of our mistakes to beat us over the head with each time we come to Him with yet another thing we must confess. But more than that…He meets us in those moments with His arms open wide…with unconditional love and He extends His favor to us instead of the wrath and judgment that we deserve (grace) (Romans 3:20-24).

Grace and forgiveness is not a one-time event in the lives of Christians. (Luke 17:3-4) They are both on-going and extended over and over and over again. And, just as we have experienced them freely and as a gift from our Heavenly Father, He tells us to then extend them freely and as the same gift to others (Luke 6:36). We can do that by praying for those that sin against us…that God will work in their hearts and lives and then choosing to leave that at the foot of the cross for HIM to judge and work out (Luke 6:37). We can try to understand where the other person is coming from and what events and wounds they may be experiencing or have experienced that have created their perspective/frame of reference. Sometimes that helps us to extend a little more patience and understanding…grace (Colossians 3:12-13).

When God forgives us, our sins (transgressions) are removed…forever…never to be brought up again…never to be used as ammunition against us or to punish us with…they have been paid for and are gone…forever. (Psalm 103:12) And as we choose to draw closer to Him and to walk in obedience and extend this to others, He will help us and give us the grace and love we need (Hebrews 4:16) that we may not have on our own. Again…forgiveness is not a feeling…it’s a choice, and it’s one that God calls us to make regardless of how we feel or the difficulty. But He will always make a way for us to do everything that He asks us to…even when we don’t see it or feel it (Isaiah 43:19.)

It's not easy...and I certainly don't have it all figured out.  It IS a process and one that I'm continually walking through these days.  But I know that God is trustworthy and that He wants the best for me...and He wouldn't ask me to do anything that would harm me.  Does he ask us to step out of our comfort zones and take a leap of faith?  Absolutely!!  And not once, when I have done that, have I ever been disappointed or regretted it!  If this is an area you're struggling in, know that you're not alone in it...know that God loves you...He sees you...and He has a plan for you that will blow your mind if you will trust Him and step out in faith and obedience.  He's waiting with His arms open wide!

~Kris Samovitz