The Lies We Believe

Yesterday, we talked about what it means to share without pretending and we identified a lack of understanding who God is and fear as two of the reasons we where social masks.  But, what is it specifically that causes us to “pretend” in the first place?  What causes us to feel the need to put on those socially acceptable masks?  I believe the overwhelming cause is that we buy into a whole lot of lies that we then tell ourselves over and over that create fear in our lives and hearts…fear of rejection…fear of failure…fear of abandonment…there are a lot of fears we could list.

“Most of our emotional struggles, relationship difficulties, and spiritual setbacks are caused by the lies we tell ourselves.  Every day, whether you realize it or not, you are most likely believing lies.  These lies, learned from parents, friends, society, and even the church, play like a broken record over and over in your mind, damaging your emotional health, relationships, and spiritual life.  Unless we identify our lies and replace them with the truth, a truly abundant life is impossible.”~ Dr. Chris Thurman

I learned very early on in childhood that how I performed and what I accomplished was directly associated with attention and praise, and ultimately, my value and worth.  I believed that I had to earn love and acceptance through what I did.  That, in many ways, set me up for the next lie to take hold…that since my value came from my performance, the approval and responses of others determined whether or not I was acceptable or measured up.  That led to a whole list of behaviors that were driven by the need to please and impress others.  I became very insecure and I didn’t believe that I was ever good enough (another lie), so I would work harder, try to make myself appear better or more important, and I became a master pretender in my relationships with everyone.  One lie fed into another lie, feeding more dysfunctional behaviors and sin, and ultimately plunging me into a pit of darkness, shame, looking for love in all the wrong places, and ultimately isolating myself from others.  What often happens is that our experience or environment creates a weakness or vulnerability, often due to the environment we were raised in or a traumatic experience.  Once that vulnerability is exposed, Satan grabs onto that foothold and begins to exploit it and beat us over the head with it.  It doesn’t take long before he can somewhat step back, because we have come to believe it about ourselves and we just take over beating ourselves up and it continues on in many cases, for years
.
Often, we also transfer our earthly experiences onto our relationship with God.  Since I had come to believe that I was not good enough and that my value/worth was a direct reflection of my actions (which for many years was destructive and sinful) I was convinced that I had to earn God’s love, I would certainly never measure up to God’s expectations of me, and by no means did I deserve grace on any level.  Deep down, I was convinced that God was pretty mad and disappointed with me and while it had been engrained in my head that He loved me and would never leave me, at a heart level, I was pretty sure that He had given up…that He’d shook His head and washed His hands of me and that He was nowhere to be found.

Even years later after getting my life back on track, I continued to remain very guarded.  I was serving in leadership roles at my church, was a part of an active small group, and knew all the right things to say and do, but I still had major trust issues and kept those steel barricades in place around my fragile heart.  After all, if I didn’t give people access, then they really couldn’t hurt me right?

The problem is that in doing so, not only was I missing out on deep, meaningful relationships with other women, but I was also depriving myself of the greatest relationship I could ever have…with my Savior.  I didn’t invite Him into the dark recesses of my heart…I made sure those were locked and chained up and shoved as far down as I could.  But, I didn’t  realize the depth of the trust issues that I had with God and it had never even struck me that I didn’t believe He loved me.  I was living in a lot of denial…not because I was intentionally trying to avoid the truth, but because I had been living that way for as long as I could remember and I didn’t even know what I really felt anymore.  I was living in survival mode.

But as God often does, He was already working in my heart, preparing me for a journey that would change my life.  Through a series of difficult events over a period of about 3 years, God began to allow some circumstances and situations to occur that began to strip away the layers, one at a time.  A good friend of mine described it as peeling layers from an onion.  As those layers are stripped away, tears may fall, but they don’t last forever and as I began to emerge from one layer, He would start working on another one.  There was a purposeful order to the process as some things had to be dealt with before others could be approached.  I love how God perfectly orchestrates things in His perfect timing.  Certainly there was pain in the process, but He never allowed more than I could handle and as I went through each layer, a few things happened.

1. He began to identify the lies I had believed.
2. He began replacing them with His truth.
3. My trust in Him began to deepen with the successful removal of each layer.
4. He began bringing people into my life that walked through the journey with me.
5. All the while, He continued to shower me with reassurance and love and tons of grace.

Ladies, I don’t know where each of you are at as you read this today.  Each one of us has a story and just like that onion, we’re all in the process of having layers peeled away.  We’re all in different stages of that process and our timelines all vary.  What I do know is that each one of us has the same amazing God who has been pursuing us relentlessly since the day we were born.  He sees everything, He knows everything, and yet He still loves us with an unfailing love no matter how much we have tested Him.  He doesn’t keep score, we cannot wear Him out, and He has not given up on you or me.  While Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy us, our Savior comes ready to do battle on our behalf in order to give us an abundant life and hope that we can’t even fathom! (John 10:10)  He wants to abolish the lies we have bought into and He wants to write His truth on the slates of our hearts.  Whether or not I’m good enough or ever measure up really isn’t even the question, because regardless, we can’t earn His love and HE is enough…for me…and for you…and if we are willing to discover His truth and replace all the lies we’ve believed with it, we can truly experience freedom and a life without pretending!  Hallelujah for that!!!!

As we wind down for today, I have some questions I’d like for you to think about.

• What are some of the lies that you have believed…about yourself?  About God? 

• Looking back, how have you seen God pursuing you over the years?

~Kris Samovitz