Week Two: Speak Without Accusing

I am convinced that as we move through these 8 weeks, we will see miracles happen in our lives, hearts, and minds.

This week's message on love seems similar to last week’s.  Often times when I interrupt, it  is because I'm actually making an accusation. I never really thought of it that way before. I have to hand it to all of you moms out there with children at home because there is a fine line between godly discipline and making accusations in dealing with young ones, and I’m sure you will experience those situations this week.  I look back on my days of having young daughters at home and there were a lot of accusations in my speech. Thankfully, however, kids are so gracious and forgiving of their parents and I thank God for that every day!!  Somehow, my children believe I was the best mother on the planet and of course, I humbly accept that and don't dwell on the possible pain I might have inflicted on them in my own brokenness.

I would love it, if some of you moms out there who have a little bit of a handle on this with your children would make a few suggestions as to how we can better handle discipline without making accusations.  Like some others of you, I have a different opportunity to implement this not so much with regards to discipline, but more with the way I listen and communicate with my husband and the people at work.

I know that taking a deep breath and prayer ALWAYS works for me coupled with humility. When I get stuck in a situation of not knowing what to do, I try to remind myself that love covers a multitude of sins.

“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

~James 1:19, 20 (NIV)

Thoughts for Discussion 

1. There are many scriptural admonitions to be "slow to speak." Slowing down is a first step. Once we do speak, we want to ensure that our speech is always "with grace, seasoned with salt." (Colossians 4:6, NKJV). As a preservative, salt maintains what is good. When we speak (particularly to our children) we want to do the same: focus on and highlight the positive. Use the "sandwich" technique: compliment, tackle the issue, compliment. 

2. Something that I am trying to continually ask myself is what is my motivation? With my kids, I can say things out of frustration that do not build them up, but rather tear them down and when my words are coming from that place, I run the risk of hurting them and writing things on their hearts that I do not mean. Having said that, if I take a moment to collect myself and can sit down and really speak to them about correction, I can do so in a loving way that does build them up and conveys God's love for them. Sometimes if it's an especially bad day or I'm at my wit's end, I might need to come back to that conversation the next day or a few hours later and I'm learning that it's okay to do that. I can say that we'll talk about the consequences later and give myself that break to get into a better place rather than pushing the issue in the moment.
But even in my relationships as an adult and especially with the social networking tools that are at our fingertips such as facebook and twitter out there, we can sometimes spew things out that we regret later, but it's already out there and we can't take it back. So again, for me it's always about motivation...am I saying or typing something to punish someone...to make them feel guilty? Am I trying to make a point? What is it that I'm using my words to accomplish? This is a verse that I use to measure my words against that is really helpful for me. Do I fail sometimes? Absolutely...but the more I stop and "be still" before I speak, the less I have to confess and seek forgiveness for later. 

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." 

~Philippians 4:8 

3. I was semi-ranting at my older girls when they were about 7 & 9 and they were just staring at me, sort of gaping. LOL I said "for all you're listening I might as well be speaking Greek!" and a little voice inside me said "then maybe you should be quiet." From that time on, it was a game with myself: how few words can I use to guide proper behavior?" and asking myself the question: what would Love do? I didn't do it perfectly, but my children know without a doubt that they are loved, and in the end, that was all that mattered to me.  

So, from these 3 thoughts, if we are trying to implement a change in our communication, the first and easy step to take would be to wait before we speak, right?  That one step does wonders!!   You’ll notice that there is a short prayer attached to this week's photo.  I call those little prayers "breath prayers" because they can be said with a breath and each breath we take is given by God.

So perhaps a practical take-away from today’s lesson is to take a breath and say a prayer…sometimes maybe a few prayers, lol.  It sounds like such a "Well, duh!" kind of thing to do, but can be so difficult to implement sometimes...especially when emotions are running high. But with God, all things ARE possible...even choosing to take that deep breath and be quiet!