Listening to Hearts

"Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear."

~James 1:10 (MSG)

I really like this gal's statement of not having a conversation with the idea of "winning".

"#2) Speak without accusing. (James 1:19)
Hmmmm.  Principle #2 of the 10 ways to love is a sound one.
I wonder how I am at it.  I am well aware, intellectually, how crucial it is to effective communication to use "I" statements instead of sentances starting with "You".  People's ears shut off when they are confronted with a You statement.  They feel accused.  Better to diagnose and reveal one's own feeling about the situation at hand than to accuse the other:  "I feel  __________ when you _________".   

I want to do this well.  AND I also want to speak my truth.  Affirmatively, confidently, with no apologies.  I guess that goes with owning my feelings and taking responsibility, even and especially when there is imperfectness.  Messiness.   

In my heart, I think I really get the part about not needing to be the one that "wins".  I hope I am always looking for how all parties can feel validated, heard.  One learning is that I haven't done this well in the past.  I've been told.  (And I heard it :) 

I am only beginning to see my pattern for being risk-adverse in communication.  Hesitant to confront conflict.  Paul says that people often refrain from telling their true feelings because, ultimately, they fear the other person walking away in response.  Hmmmm. 

So, my self-help lessons out of this one to remind myself: 

• Remember to use I statements
• Speak your truth
• Acknowledge other viewpoints so the other person feels heard 

Today's verse:  

“Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.” ~1 Peter 3:8 (NLT) 

I have been realizing, particularly with very chatty friends, that whether or not I get to 'say something' it doesn't matter - because people do not like to be interrupted and to really love those friends I just need to listen and not even formulate a response or try to help them 'solve their problems' (which is one of my biggest faults in conversation) - according to 1cor 13 I need to treat others as more important than me - what better way to see beneficial fruits of patience, love, and self-control than to practice true, interested listening.  I so just want to love on people so that His Spirit is evident and glorified. This will help me to be a more effective intercessor also because of listening not just to words spoken, but what the heart is conveying." 

http://susanamy.blogspot.com/2011/10/2-speak-without-accusing-james-119.html?m=1